I went out with Seth tonight, we went to two different bars…I had one drink at each bar.

It was okay.

I think I kind of felt like…disconnected.

We went back to my place, he came up. We had sex. I actually got to wear that sexy lisire that I had bought for the coast trip. He said he felt stupid now for messing up our coast trip.

After we had sex we didn’t really cuddle that much, and when I asked what he was thinking about, he said something super robotic like he was thinking about us kayaking, but not anything sentimental, that he was thinking about how far we were from the river bed and if all the water was gone how far we would have been from it. Some super scientific, logical thoughts. Nothing feeling.

I don’t really know how to feel about it. He ended up leaving, not spending the night, and I honestly I just feel really lonely right now. Really unsure.

I feel lonely. I feel like sometimes there is not that emotional connection and I don’t know what it means really. Do I need that? Is it just me? Is it my fears? Is it real?

Why do I feel like this sometimes?

It makes me honestly wish that I had just stayed home and gone to bed early…I have been lacking sleep so badly. I should have just gone to sleep and not even gone out. I already told him I would see him tomorrow night.

Guess I will just continue living my life, don’t need to make a big deal. Maybe I can just see him tomorrow and then not make plans for awhile, take a little break. See how I feel.

2 thoughts on “Unsure

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