Bleh

I did it again and got drunk on a day when I was not supposed to. On top of that I had a lab the next day which I was actually really excited to go to…

My mom called the night before and it was disturbing to me I guess. She asked if she could come visit and sleep on my dorm floor. Unlike a normal parent who would visit their child and get a hotel room or something.

I don’t know if it was talking to her or thinking about my brother or both but suddenly I was drinking one big can after the other, three huge cans and then one small one. I then could not sleep…for 24 hours I did not sleep. I knew deep down that I had a lab and field trip to go on the following morning but I kept telling myself it’s okay, I will be okay for it…I can still go even on no sleep, even being half drunk.

But sure enough I could not. Come six in the morning I realized I was in no condition to go or do anything at all. I was still fairly drunk, and now exhausted on top of that. I didn’t work Friday morning at all and then did not go on that field trip I had been so looking forward to.

Once again my drinking ruined another day that could have been productive.

Today I went to meet up with my one friend from the class, Julie. She is an older student too like me, she is forty but she doesn’t look like she is 40, I had thought she was like 30 something. We had planned on meeting at the library to study for our mid-term. We did a bit of studying and then I told her why I hadn’t gone to the field trip and everything going on with my brother. She told me her mother had actually died from cancer two years ago and so she totally understands how fucking painful and shitty this is. Meeting with her was so super helpful. We did study but besides that it was really just helpful to get her take on everything when it comes to going to college while dealing with something this fucking awful and shitty.

The rest of the day was pretty much a waste. It’s been raining for almost five days straight now, and I really take back what I said about the misty rain…it POURED rain all day the other day and then all day today. I went out trying to find my way to this movie theater to see a movie I really wanted to see and ended up lost downtown…in the pouring rain…not able to use my phone to find my way to it because rain was soaking my phone and then the internet wouldn’t work. I had to somehow find my way back home without using my phone. By the time I got back home I was fully fed up with the nonstop rain, my backpack was soaked through…I was so thankful to just get inside and get warm.

I didn’t end up really doing anything today but I guess I needed a day to just fucking do nothing. To sit and read my book, to drink tea instead of alcohol and just take my mind of things and have a day of no school work, no studying. Seems like it’s just been nonstop. Every day there is homework I have to do, every day studying or trying to learn chemistry that I don’t understand.

Now I am wishing I had bought some of those huge parsnips I saw at the farmer’s market. I want some chicken thighs and mashed potatoes and parsnips soooo badly. So many things I want to cook that I miss.

Tomorrow I have to volunteer for my class…but I am planning to get up early enough to get all my schoolwork and homework done that is due Monday and hopefully some studying since my mid-term is also Monday.

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